This is Sleep Apnea

21. That’s how many times, per hour, I stop breathing in any given night.

I’ve been pretty silent on this, but sleep apnea is far from.

About a year ago I completed the entire Intelligentsia Cup series with Chicago Women’s Elite. And I silently suffered. I took a mid-season break but recovery never really came. I couldn’t shake the fatigue. I faked my way though Gateway Cup and struggled through the entire Chicago Cross Cup cyclocross season.

So many doctor visits. So many pokes, tests, tears, and struggles through the offseason. I took serious time off but I couldn’t shake this daily fatigue. The mind fog. Forgetfulness. I missed the sunshine more than most and I started to just think, maybe I’m more than depressed, maybe this is depression.

This winter I had an overnight sleep study where I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea. 21 times an hour I stop breathing. And 21 times an hour my body shakes itself awake to start breathing again. I found a reason why the 10+ hours in bed each night was not enough.

A diagnosis. And a treatment. Hope.

I was very nervous for Dirty Kanza. How was I going to put an all day effort on the bike if I could barely make it through a 7 hour work day? It took so long between the first sleep study, the diagnosis, the second study to test the therapy, to actually receiving my machine. By the time I got it, it was less than 3 weeks till the big dance. It’s not easy to get used to. The dry mouth, the constant pressure like a jet engine blowing forced air into my nasal passage, and the mask all have challenges. Not to mention the struggles Kyle has had to endure sleeping next to me.

It’s still not okay. The number has fallen with the use of a CPAP machine, but it hasn’t been an easy transition. I’m not tolerating it as I’d hoped. It’s not a miracle machine like it was/is for my dad.

It’s two months post Kanza, and I’ve been trying hard to find my crit legs again. Two days of TOAD, two in Detroit, and six days of Intelli Cup have left me longing for more. More chances to find these legs that used to be mine. More nights to practice sleeping. Recovery is a key component in competing at this level and its frustrating when I feel like it’s out of my control. I have a lot to work on, but I’m taking it day by day. Night by night.

So this is sleep apnea. A 34 year old back sleeping athlete.